I had a conversation today with someone who alluded to some really difficult stuff…and he finished every thought with some variation of, “But that’s okay! It’s not so bad!”
We’ve been steeped in a pop culture version of the Law of Attraction that says we just have to think positive and things will be okay. Sometimes it seems taboo to admit to ourselves or anyone else that we’re angry or hurt or fearful or sad. Goodness forbid we should display some anger because that’s not “spiritual”.
It makes me realize what a miracle it is that I’m surrounded by people who, in their love for me, really push me to be honest about how I’m feeling even when it’s not pretty. It reminds me what a miracle Inner Visions Institute was (and continues to be) in my life, because one of the first things they taught us was the importance of emotional honesty.
I was speaking with my coach the other day (while in the midst of a complete freak out about the middle-of-the-night incident from the other day) and was trying to explain to her all the varieties and shades of complexity of my freaked-out-edness, and she said to me, “How about saying, ‘I’m scared.’ PERIOD. Can you let that be enough?” And in that moment I realized she was right. Everything else I could possibly have said was just an explanation and distraction from that very basic place…I was scared. Scared of the greatness. Scared of the power. Scared I’d never get there again. Scared I’d made it up. Just. Scared.
And after I let myself be simply scared for a little while, it passed. If I’d tried to gloss over it and pretend that I wasn’t scared, I’d probably still be sitting in a huddled ball in the corner of my room, afraid to go to sleep.
So thanks Rev. Nancy, for always being willing to kick me in the butt. :-) You are an incredible miracle in my life.