I keep trying to find something else to write about, but apparently tonight I don’t get to choose the subject. Nothing else will allow itself be written right now. Here goes…
Over the years, every once in a while I’ve met someone who I’ve felt an instant connection with – usually it was a physical attraction paired with the glimmer of an emotional and spiritual spark. In each case, it was a momentary meeting that didn’t develop into anything deeper. But in my mind, that person would remain as a “what if?” -
What if we met again and that spark turned into something deeper?
These people don’t have front-burner status in my mind; rather they are like small stones that I have kept in my pocket to turn over in my palm once in a while, remembering how that moment felt and wondering what might happen.
Recently I have been doing a lot of work around making myself ready to meet my soul mate/life partner. Some of it has to do with making myself more available to meet people, but the bulk of it has to do with more fully becoming my best self so that I can be proud of who I am and what I bring to a new relationship. Writing and sharing daily is a part of that “becoming”.
As I engage in this process of “becoming”, an astonishing thing is happening – one by one, these old “what if” acquaintances are showing up in my life again! And in each case I’m discovering that the momentary spark was just that – momentary.
Far from being a disappointment, it’s actually quite joyful! The memory of each of these people has taken up a little corner of space in my mind that has kept me from being truly present. It’s hard to be fully present in a relationship when a part of my mind is whispering, “But what if so-and-so showed back up? What would you do then?”
Interestingly, this unfulfilled potential has felt more disruptive to me than baggage I might carry from old relationships.
As these old memories are swept out, I feel like more space is opening up in my body, mind, and spirit to welcome in the The One. I feel as though I am being prepared. I want to be clean and clear when the joyful day comes that I meet my soulmate. I expect to be ready to jump in with both feet!