Today I watched last night’s finale of “The Bachelor” and “After the Final Rose” – yes, I admit it. I watch every episode. It’s drivel and it gets worse by the season, but it’s like the train wreck that I can’t look away from.
Throughout this season, I was torn – Brad seems so earnest that I want the best for him, and yet he is so deeply uncomfortable with anyone showing emotion (how many times this season did we hear him plead with a woman, “Please don’t cry!”) that I think he still has a good deal of therapy to do before he’s ready for the kind of relationship he says he wants. Watching last night’s “After the Final Rose” special heightened both those feelings – I want him to be genuinely happy and yet I’m not sure that he’s ready to be really happy.
Which brings me to my own state of mind. The last couple of days have been rough. After flying high for the last couple of weeks, I crashed hard this weekend. Today, even though nothing bad was happening, I felt on the edge of tears all day. Perhaps because so much has been stirred up recently in my relationship space, one of the things that I was feeling really down about today was whether I’d ever meet my soulmate.
But here’s what I know after watching “The Bachelor” – I want something so much better than what I saw on that screen. I believe my person is out there; that they’re yearning for me as much as I’m yearning for them; and that when we come together it will be better than either of us could have imagined. I believe that we can come together as two whole human beings and that the new whole will be greater than the sum of its parts. I believe that we can inspire and lift each other to ever greater heights.
Tonight a friend read tarot cards for me, and when I asked about relationships, the answer that kept coming up was, “The world is your oyster. You can have anything you want.”
So here’s to lifting myself out of the funk and living in the anticipation that I can have anything and everything that I desire. My person is coming closer every day and I’m excited to see what develops next!