The days that I took off over the last week were storybook amazing. A friend was in town and we had an absolutely wondrous time together.
Today reality came crashing back in.
I had a hard time staying awake at work and I felt a little cranky. Nothing too severe, but I was aware that I had a bit of an edge.
I was in a conversation at the end of the day that took an extra 15 minutes to complete. By the time I left I was running late for an appointment, but I still had a couple of errands that I had to do before returning home.
At WalMart, I got the sales associate who I was certain was the stupidest person in the store. She was slow, unhelpful and completely unknowledgeable about the equipment she had been tasked with running. The entire time I was talking with her, I was rolling my eyes, sighing, and muttering under my breath. Because she obviously deserved it. She was being STUPID. I finally gave up on her and left the store without completing the task I needed done.
Then I went to the grocery store. I quickly but carefully picked out the rotisserie chicken and produce that I needed and headed for the checkout. One thing that really irks me is when cashiers and baggers aren’t careful with produce that is easily bruised. I watched as both the cashier and then the bagger threw around my carefully chosen apples. The first time I muttered under my breath, “Be CAREFUL!” The second time I saw it happen, I was just about to snap really loudly about how inconsiderate they were being and DIDN’T THEY KNOW ANY BETTER?!?!
Then a very calm and reasonable voice showed up in my head saying, “You’re not really upset at them. You’re sad that the wonderful days of the last week have passed and now you’re back in real life. Don’t take it out on them.”
Damn that calm and reasonable voice!!!
But it’s true. My upset had nothing to do with any of those people. Whether or not the woman at WalMart had been trained how to operate the equipment, whether or not the cashier and bagger at the grocery store had been trained to handle produce, my upset wasn’t at them. The upset was within myself, wanting to call back a precious moment whose time has passed. That moment will come again, but right now it’s time to be a big girl and get on with the business of the life I’m living today.
Today’s miracle is that the voice got my attention and kept me from being incredibly rude to two kids who didn’t deserve it. Unfortunately it didn’t show up soon enough to stop me from being so disrespectful to the woman at WalMart, so I’ll have to chalk that up to a lesson learned.
Thank goodness for the little voice…even when I don’t listen particularly carefully for it, it IS there.