A Course In Miracles says that there are really only two emotions – fear and love. When we are in fear, there is no room for love. When we are in love, there is no room for fear.
It’s something that makes a lot of sense to me on a conceptual level, but sometimes it’s hard to see how it works on a really practical level when all of our emotions and baggage are involved. Tonight I had a lesson in what it means on a practical level.
I’m planning to visit a friend in September and one of the things we’ve talked about is going out for a trip on his motorcycle. It’s something I’ve wanted to try for a while and I feel safe enough with him that I’m willing to push myself outside my box. And yet, as we discussed this trip the other night, I felt a ton of fear coming up.
What if we crash? What if I get hurt? What if I get scared and he doesn’t want to stop? What if…what if…what if??????
Last night I had a conversation with my dear friend Sue and she reminded me that, as I contemplate this motorcycle ride, I’m only looking at one point of view – MINE. There is another point of view – his.
His point of view is very invested in keeping me safe, making sure I have a good time, and making it a good experience. He wants me to love it so that I’ll be excited to take more adventures. He is also making himself vulnerable by putting himself in the role of my protector – thereby opening himself up to criticism and the fear of doing something wrong.
If I focus on my own fear, I’m likely to sabotage the entire experience. If I focus on knowing that he’ll do anything necessary to keep me safe – and that he’s really opening his heart to share with me – then I experience joy in contemplating the trip.
When I explained all of this to him tonight, he made the connection back to A Course In Miracles and the dichotomy between love and fear. I hadn’t even seen it myself.
When I focus on my own drama, I experience fear.
When I focus on his needs, I experience love and the fear dissipates.
Funny how that works.