There’s a man who I see several times a week and talk to on the phone occasionally who drives me batty. I really only interact with him for a couple of minutes at a time, so my exposure to him is very limited. The level of annoyance that he creates in my world is vastly out of proportion to absolutely everything – the time I spend with him, the influence he has in my world…by any measure it’s ridiculously out of whack.
And yet… When I see his name or hear his voice or see his face, I just want to strangle someone. Or throw something. Every cell in my body that is prone to negativity and annoyance goes on high alert when he is in my space.
I try so hard to be pleasant with him. I put on a smile and grit my teeth. There’s nothing truthful about my interaction with him.
Today I was on my way to see him and in my reverie of annoyance, I started to cross the street. There was a line of traffic that didn’t look like it was going anywhere soon, so I took my chance to cross. The woman in the car I was crossing in front of waved me across, but then the traffic started to move and she laid on the horn and gave me a nasty sneer.
Which got me to thinking – isn’t that what I do to this man? I pretend to be pleasant, but as soon as he opens his mouth I get completely irritated and want to wring his neck.
And frankly, when I look at it from that point of view it’s clear – whatever my issue with this man is, it has absolutely nothing to do with him. Just like whatever that driver’s issue was had nothing to do with me. I don’t yet know what it is that he’s triggering in me, but I hope I find out soon so I can handle it and let it go. In the meantime, I’m grateful to have at least seen that whatever is being triggered is something old in my head. It’s got nothing to do with this man and it’s my goal to start treating him better and seeing him in a different light. Hopefully the root issue will show itself so it can be healed and moved on out.