A few eagle-eyed readers have asked over the last few months if something was going on that I haven’t been talking about. The truth is…yes. I have been keeping something to myself. A tiny seed of beauty and joy. Something that I wanted to hold close so I could give it air and sunshine and water to see what would grow.
And that tiny seed has grown into a flower of rare beauty and joy.
My friends, I am so happy to share with you that over this summer I have been falling in love.
We met near the end of June in the way that so many people do these days – online. He sent me a “wink” which I would normally ignore (if you can’t be bothered to spend the time writing an actual email, why should I take you seriously?) And yet there was something about this man that was different. He wrote something about going into the coal mine of life and coming back with diamonds. And he lived in New Mexico – why not write to him? It wasn’t like I’d get invested with someone so far away, right?
Within a day we were writing novellas to each other – emails so long that we had to split them into various parts because the online service we were using couldn’t handle the full length of our important thoughts.
Three days into our emailing, something terrible happened – my friend Evie was injured in a fire. I told him about it and he was so lovingly supportive.
A week after our first email, he asked if we could talk on the phone. I was thrilled…and terrified! What if this beautiful email exchange didn’t translate well to the telephone? That has happened to me more than once. But I needn’t have worried.
The moment I heard his voice, I felt like I’d come home. We talked for two hours and it felt like we’d known each other forever. He invited me to visit him in New Mexico and I immediately said yes.
And then another terrible thing happened. Two hours into that first phone conversation, I found out that Evie had died. There are no words to describe the next few hours. He stayed on the phone with me and seemed to know exactly the right things to say. When I wanted to talk about her, he asked me to tell him stories so he could get to know her too. When I needed to be distracted he talked about…I don’t even know what. I just know that he provided a lifeline for me that night. Our first phone conversation lasted over five hours and we’d already covered the full gamut of human emotion – from highest joy to deepest grief.
I have told him many times that if he had come into my life for only those few hours to help me get through that night, it would have been enough of a blessing. Everything else is icing.
In the last three months, we’ve each spent time in each other’s homes. He’s met my family (who love him!) He’s introduced me to his friends. We’ve racked up so many hours of long distance communication that we’d both own stock in the telephone company if it weren’t for Skype. He is the quintessential Amazing Man. He even wants us to write a book together!!
He has seen me at my craziest and he still loves me. He seems to love me just for showing up and being me. It’s still a little hard for me to wrap my head around it.
He values his privacy and it’s important to me to honor that, so I won’t name him here. Instead I’ll call him Mr. Blue Eyes (or MBE for short).
Is he my one-and-only? My forever partner? I don’t know yet. But for the first time I’m willing to be okay with not knowing and to stick around to find out.
I love you baby. Thanks for choosing me and letting me choose you.