A few weeks ago I wrote about recognizing that I’m a stage manager, not a producer. I’ve had another revelation along those lines.
I’m a big picture thinker. It got really clear to me yesterday when I was on the back of MBE‘s motorcycle. This has been a glorious foliage season – perhaps not as bright as some years, but long-lasting and rich. As I’ve enjoyed the colors for the last few weeks, I keep having a particular experience – I see a group of trees up ahead with amazing color and I think that I’d like to take a picture of it when I get closer. But when I get up close, I find that the individual trees are no longer nearly as interesting to me as the hillside of trees was.
It reminds me of going shopping for clothes. Going into a store like The Gap is a challenge for me, because they have the same shirt out in an array of 12 pretty colors. When I see the shirts like that, I think the colors are all gorgeous and I want each one of them. But this is reality, so I only purchase one or two. When I get home, I’m often disappointed with the color that I purchased because it no longer looks so rich and vibrant and exciting as it did when it was arrayed in the full rainbow.
So here’s the truth – I’m a visionary, an artist. I can see the big picture vision and how the big pieces should work. However, because I’ve had so many control issues, I’ve often put myself in the position of the producer, trying to make it all happen in exactly the way I think it’s supposed to. Which doesn’t work, because I’M NOT A PRODUCER.
Interestingly, when I get to the next level of details down – putting the plan into action, the level of the stage manager – I’m quite adept, although I still find it rather stressful.
Today it occurs to me that I have a tendency to be a “not seeing the forest for the trees” type of person. I prefer to look at the hillside, but I think I’m supposed to look at the individual trees, so I get disappointed and overwhelmed and forget the joy of the hillside. If I can remember to back up and keep my focus on the hillside, chances are that I’ll be much more effective and successful.
I’m getting a much better sense of where I fit in my own particular system.
And as I type this, MBE is playing with my hair. Yep, that’s a miracle.