I’ve just had such a huge revelation about money that I’m going to put it in the text of the post rather than as a regular Miracle Challenge entry in the comments.
Money was a huge issue in my last relationship. One of the biggest. He often said that he felt I was selfish and not generous. I said, “What? Those are two things that I don’t associate with myself.”
We each had our own homes and our own lives (part of the problem in the relationship was that after 2 years we still hadn’t begun to meld our lives AT ALL – something that MBE and I have started doing after only a couple of months.) We each had our own financial situations and we NEVER shared them with each other.
His perspective was that he was more generous in paying for dinner when we went out and paying for activities. He felt that I didn’t contribute as much as he did.
My perspective was that I was the one who drove an hour to his house every weekend and brought groceries and helped him with his laundry, etc. I felt that I contributed as much, but in different ways.
This morning – FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER – I realized that neither of us was wrong. The issue is that we never, ever talked about money and I never, ever shared my financial situation with him. I was too embarrassed.
I wonder what would have happened if I had sat down with him and said, “Here’s what’s going on in my life. I have certain financial constraints because I’m struggling a bit to make ends meet each month. I can’t offer as much financially as you can, but here are the things that I can offer. How can we work with both of our resources to make a relationship that works for both of us?”
I wonder if a conversation like that would have eased (or prevented) the power struggle that developed.
One of the biggest issues that I’ve recognized through this Miracle Challenge is the unwillingness I’ve demonstrated to be honest about money – with other AND with myself.
One of the greatest gifts that I’ve gotten through this Miracle Challenge is the opportunity to talk really openly and honestly with MBE about finances. We haven’t come to any specific agreements about how we’ll handle money together, but a solid foundation has been laid. And he understands money and debt clearly enough to help me make a plan to get out of debt. Which is a truly phenomenal miracle!
We’re wrapping up the Challenge tomorrow everyone! I hope that you’ve gotten as much out of it as I have. Whether you’ve been participating regularly or not (I’ve heard from several people who are playing along at home and haven’t been posting), I hope that you’ll head down to the comments today and tomorrow and share what you’ve learned and what miracles you’ve seen.