Today I had just about the most perfect Sunday I can imagine with MBE. :-) He’s been here for three weeks with one more week to go and I’m trying to stay present and savor every moment – knowing there will be many times in the weeks and months to come when I will wish I had these days back.
We’ve been talking a lot about money…both because it’s on my mind and because it affects how much freedom I have to travel and spend time with him. He’s amazingly patient and supportive. He’s seen me cry more tears of frustration over the last week than I’d like to count.
Here’s the revelation I alluded to the other night that I keep coming back to – changing my financial picture is NOT about making a budget that cuts every expense down to the bone. Yes, I am working on a budget worksheet and will be tracking my money much more carefully from now on. However, the issue that I’ve had with money since I was about 12 and realized that it was a factor in my life is a feeling of deprivation. There were things I didn’t ask for as a kid because I knew my parents didn’t have extra money. Don’t get me wrong – they would have found a way to get me senior portraits when I was graduating high school, but I chose not to ask because I didn’t want to cause a financial strain.
That sort of thinking has permeated my whole life – money has always held an energy of deprivation for me. The way to change that is NOT to make a budget that builds in even more constraints and increases the feelings of deprivation.
The way to change the energy and the thinking is to start bringing in more money. I have not been making any effort to generate the work that I am truly passionate about, the work that feeds my soul…and also the work that has the potential to make me a LOT of money.
I have felt so inept at bringing that work in that I haven’t pursued it at all. As I’ve mentioned before, I know that I’m really, really good at my work, but only if someone else has the idea to hire me to do it. If I try to “sell” that same idea to someone, I am convinced that I will fail. And already having that conviction means that nine and a half times out of ten, I’m right.
Thus revelation number 2 – it’s okay to bring someone else in to help me do outreach and sales. I’ve always shied away from it because of how much it would cost, but MBE said something truly brilliant to me the other day: “Giving somebody a percentage of something is better than not giving somebody zero percent of nothing.”
So now I have a new intention – to find the right person who has the skills and the sensitivity to partner with me in building a vibrant and joyful business that brings healing and joy to the world through workshops, teaching, and coaching.
Let it be so. And so it is!!!!