I had a remarkable realization over the weekend about my relationship with Mr. Blue Eyes – I love him enough to let him go if I had to.
Before anyone goes getting worried, no, we’re not breaking up. Nothing like that.
We spent a lot of time talking on the phone over the weekend. As we talked it occurred to me that if he needed to change his circumstances to ones that don’t include me in order to be at peace, I would support him. I love him enough to let him go if it meant he’d find what he needs.
Of course, if that were to happen I’d be heartbroken for a while, but I now trust myself enough to know that there will be more love in my life. Which means that I don’t have to hold on to him with grasping, gnarled fists, praying that he never leaves. The knowledge that I will have love in my life – whether it’s with him or someone else – frees me to love him with open hands, trusting that it will be okay no matter what.
Because ultimately, even if we’ve found great love in each other, what good is it if that relationship keeps us from being totally happy?
Again – I want to emphasize that these ramblings aren’t an indicator of trouble between us. Quite the opposite. We had some of the most loving, beautiful conversations this weekend that we’ve ever had. And it came to me during those conversations just how much I love this man – enough to want him to be happy, no matter what. I’ve never felt that before with anyone. And I know that he loves me the same way.
I trust both of us to make good decisions. In fact, maybe that’s what this whole post is about – trust.
I trust us.
I trust us as individuals. I trust us as a couple. I trust us to not run away for no good reason. I trust us to not stay out of fear. I trust that we are each invested in the other’s health and happiness in a true and deep way.
Each morning I get a “Note From The Universe” and this morning’s really spoke to me:
Detours, challenges, and crisis are simply covers for miracles that had no other way of reaching you.
We have our detours and challenges – the distance is a challenge; the time difference is a challenge. But neither of those things rise above the level of annoyance when compared to how much I love him.