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Dec 29

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The end of a beautiful relationship

This is a post I never, ever wanted to write. But here goes…

On Tuesday evening Mr. Blue Eyes and I decided to end our relationship. It was not a decision that was taken lightly by either of us and I think we’re both a bit heartbroken. Ultimately it was the right decision, but that doesn’t make it a single ounce easier.

The way that I love you has to change now. The fact that I love you never will. Thank you for making my life a better place.

I want to be careful about how I talk about this because I want to be respectful of his privacy, so it may take me a while to figure out how to tell this story – both for you and for myself.

Here’s what I can say with absolute certainty: there was no anger in our parting. I think if either of us knew a way to keep it from happening, we would have. Although the distance didn’t make things easier, it was not the cause. I will love and respect this man for the rest of my life. He has become my best friend and that is a relationship that I will continue to cherish. Our parting conversation was filled with love and tears.

Sadly, none of that changes the fact that my heart is broken. Exactly one month ago I was writing about how I had completely given my heart in love for the first time and I was all in. Not very long ago I really thought we were headed toward a life together. Sadly, sometimes things get in the way.

I’m not ready to look at miracles in the breakup (although I’m doubtless that they are there), but I don’t have to search far to find the biggest miracle of having had this relationship:

For the first time in my life, I opened my heart to love someone completely. It’s something that I’d always wondered if I was capable of. Now I know for sure.

There are plenty of others too: I opened myself to being loved; I learned that it was okay to show up as smart and I wouldn’t be chastised for it; I experienced a new level of trust and openness than I’d ever had before; I saw the people in my life open their hearts to the person I love.

And one more that is a bit different from the rest – I had the most amazing support in the days and months following Evie’s death. I could not have asked for someone better to walk through that experience with. He wrapped me in his love and didn’t let go. We were having our first phone conversation together when I learned she had died. Oddly, the man who killed her was released from the hospital on Tuesday and taken into custody – the same day that we broke up.  It’s like some bizarre closing of a circle. I still don’t know how to wrap my head around that.

Life will go on. It will take some time. I will heal. I will love again. But right now it hurts. I’m sure that I’ll continue telling pieces of this story in the coming weeks, as I make sense of them for myself.

Ironically – or perhaps just because the Universe has a ridiculous sense of humor – for the next two weeks I’m immersed in creating a bridal guide for the newspaper. I spent today learning do-it-yourself tips for wedding flowers and listening to songs people use for their first dance. Next week I’ll go watch a bride trying on wedding dresses. Perhaps at some point I’ll find the miracle in that. For right now, I’ve given myself permission to be just a little jaded and snarky.

Thank you all for your love and support.

About the author

Leah Carey

Leah Carey is the Chief Miracle Officer of The Miracle Journal, where she writes about the large and small miracles that happen in her life every day. She is a life coach, speaker, journalist, freelance writer, and lover of life. In all of those pursuits, she works with people to identify what’s already right in your life so you can build an even more joyful and fulfilling daily experience from that foundation. You can find her on Facebook, , Twitter, and YouTube.

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  1. Leslie

    Look at you! Look at how beautiful, talented,loving, caring and sweet you are!!You need not look for anyone to make your life brighter. You are a jewel sparkling in the sun. Someday, someone will be attracted by your glorious glow and you will be found!

    1. Leah Carey

      Thank you Leslie. What a lovely sentiment. I appreciate your support.

  2. Trish O'Brien

    Leah, there are so many wonderful things you will glean from this. Knowing you can love and be loved as you felt it in this relationship is a valuable experience and will nourish your life going forward. I am sorry if your lovely smile is dimmed even for a minute, but I know it will re-light (y)our world again soon. 2011 has been a very different year for you, full of both yin AND yang. Know the darkness so you can fully enjoy the light as it returns to your world. And it will!

    1. Leah Carey

      Thank you Trish. Sending you a hug.

  3. Anna Rose

    My mother told me two things during my divorce that I leaned on. One – there’s no way out but through (so keep putting one foot in front of the other). Two is a little more difficult: Christians are promised that we will never be given more than we can bear. However, we are not promised that the burden will be easy! The good thing about that is, when the burden is hardest, you still have the confidence that you are strong enough to bear it. I know you’re not Christian – in fact, neither am I – but it was helpful to me to know that no matter how hard things got, someone had confidence that I was strong enough to get through it – as I am confident in you. Stay strong!

    1. Leah Carey

      Thanks Anna. I really like that. Thanks for your love and support.

  4. Loretta Stride

    I am sorry to hear about the break up Leah. I know how hard this must be for you. Mr. Blue Eyes must have been an angel sent to help you understand you are worthy of a beautiful loving relationship. xoxoox

    1. Leah Carey

      Thank you Loretta. What a lovely way of looking at it. Sending you a big hug!

  5. Peter

    Hi There Leah Carey,
    I was wondering on a similar note,, Beauty is an important asset to women in our modern society. Outer female beauty plays an important role in interpersonal relationship, marriage and social activities. Disproportionate views and treatment to beautiful women can be seen easily in daily lives. This is the reason which causes women to spend large amount of money willingly to go under the knife, enhancing their physical appearance. Hair, the crowning glory of women defines the most significant element of female beauty. Bad hair days never fail to turn women into the doldrums and statistics show that women spend most of their time on mirrors adjusting and styling their hair. As a result, female pattern balding is a fear to many women causing them to panic at the sight of even a few strands of hair on their comb after styling. However, these fears are not unfounded as female pattern balding is affecting a lot of the female counterparts nowadays. Female pattern balding is caused by several factors such as grooming, emotional stress, pregnancy and genetic reasons.
    Cheers

  6. Letty

    I completely understand what you really feel about it, I had been through with that before and also think that I couldn’t make it up but then still grateful for it because I was able to stand and see life without him. Though it was really difficult but then just think that you can do it for you will really have it.

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