Thank you to everyone who has given me so much support since I posted last night – here, on Facebook, and through emails, I am so touched by the level of caring and love I have received. Thank you.
A couple of weeks ago my friend Becky lent me the first season DVDs of Friday Night Lights. She told me I would love it. I thought she might be a little crazy…this was a show about football. What in the world would I find to love about that?
Well, of course, she was right. It’s an amazing show (that’s about so much more than football) and I can hardly wait to dive into the second season.
One of my favorite parts is the team’s motto: “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!” There’s so much more to that than just what happens on a football field.
When I see a situation clearly and I allow myself to feel the truth of my feelings, I cannot be led wrong. Even if things don’t turn out exactly the way I want them to (or I thought they would) in the moment, I have not been led wrong. I have not lost.
With Mr. Blue Eyes, I have not lost. Not for a moment. I cherish every minute that we spent together and I always will. There is nothing about this story that will go in my little black book of dating disasters.
This did not turn out the way I wanted it to and the way I thought it would, but I have not lost. I won just by being in the relationship and experiencing his love for a little while. And I’m willing to bet that if you asked him, he’d say the same thing.
That’s what I will hold on to.
One other note… A number of people have commented on the clarity and coherence with which I can speak about something so emotional that just happened. The truth is that although the final ending came three days ago, it had been coming for a few weeks. I’ve had a little time to get used to it (although it doesn’t make it any easier.) The sleepless nights and days when I couldn’t eat passed outside of public view. I wouldn’t want anyone to get the idea that those things didn’t happen or that I’m some preternaturally composed person.
(If you can’t view this video on the screen,
click here to see it on YouTube.)