Today I went to lunch with a new friend – someone I’ve been wanting to get to know for a while, but our schedules hadn’t matched up until today. The beginning of our meeting was hilarious – the restaurant we were going to meet at was closed, she had trouble finding a space to park in, etc. By the time we met on the sidewalk, we were already laughing.
Once we sat down for lunch and started talking, I knew she is someone I’ll enjoy getting to know. But something was keeping me from being really present. I couldn’t put it into words, but it was like this undercurrent of static buzzing. It was almost auditory, but I could feel it energetically in my body as well.
I didn’t know what to do because I wanted to be able to clear it out, but the only thing that seemed like it might help would be to cry. And crying 10 minutes after you meet someone isn’t necessarily the best way to make a good impression.
But the buzzing in my head started to get so loud that I could hardly hear. The couple of times that I spoke, it was like I was hearing myself from a 100 miles away.
Finally the moment came when I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I took a risk. I said to her, “I really want to be present with you, but there’s this weird thing going on and I feel like I’m going to cry.”
Even though I could tell she was a safe person, it felt like stepping way out on a skinny branch.
She was so loving. I talked for a couple minutes about the craziness going on in my head, shed a few tears…and the buzzing stopped. Completely.
I don’t know exactly what that was, where it came from, or why I had to handle it that way, but I’m immensely grateful for the experience. I stepped outside my comfort zone and discovered that it was okay. I made a new friend – and truthfully, the rest of our conversation was probably much deeper and more honest because of it.
So there you go – crying is good.
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