A couple weeks ago a friend told me that she loves it when I write about the newspaper because it reminds her that some people work in offices with people they like.
Well, today I have just the thing! For the past several months, I’ve been writing down the funny things that my co-workers say. I happen to work with an exceptionally funny and interesting group of people, so even though I’ve only been doing it for about four months, I had multiple pages of funniness recorded.
Today, as their Christmas gift, I gave everyone in the newsroom a copy of what I had collected.
Many of the quotes are only funny in context, knowing the personalities of the people involved. But I’ve pulled out a few that I think transcend that. I present to you the Caledonian-Record’s 2012 “Notable Quotables”.
- “Remember Johnny Appleseed? Well, I’m like him. I’m Little Jimmy Joy Seeds. I travel around spreading my Joy Seeds everywhere I go.”
- “I’m picking up what you’re putting down.”
- (from our publisher) “You’re all very good, but I honestly wish I had two more of me.”
- (from our court reporter) “Melinda looks really good in handcuffs. I have to give her that.”
- (from our K-Cup supply man) “Strong, yet smooth. Now that I’m done describing myself, let’s talk about K-Cup coffee.”
- “I feel like if Steve Jobs can come up with the tablet, he can effectively come up with a better way to deliver babies.”
- “A guy who’s willing to jump from 23 miles up is going to come to a splatty end sooner rather than later. He is a bug on the windshield in celestial terms.”
- “Any conversation that begins ‘I feel’ between two dudes isn’t going anywhere.”
- “Instead of talking about our feelings, men play fantasy sports.”
- (on Dec. 20, the day before the Mayan Apocalypse) “Shelly, what’s the forecast for this weekend?”
Shelly – “Fire and brimstone.”
Dearest readers, YOU are my Christmas miracle. Thank you for your presence and your love. I hope you have a joyous holiday.
All my love,