A couple of days ago I had a very enlightening conversation with a coach in my training program. One thing that I like about doing this program is that there are ample opportunities to get coaching!
We talked about a number of topics that all point to one central theme: discipline.
It hasn’t been one of my favorite subject…ever. As a kid, discipline mostly looked like trying to figure out what my dad wanted in advance of him wanting it and then giving it to him so that he wouldn’t get mad. My discipline was trying to be the perfect little girl in order to avoid a blow up. I never understood that it wasn’t my actions that caused or prevented the blow ups – those were entirely dependent on how much he’d had to drink, how he was feeling about himself that day, and a host of other things that had nothing to do with me.
But as a little girl, all I saw was that sometimes he seemed to love me and sometimes he seemed to be so angry at me that there was no love.
So I learned to try to be perfect. And I called that discipline – all or nothing. I was perfect and got gold stars, or I was an iota less than perfect and the world fell apart.
It has created a lifelong struggle for me with this concept of discipline.
There is a part of my soul that cries out for healthy discipline – taking care of my body, mind, and spirit in a consistent and meaningful way. A way that brings an ever-increasing amount of joy and fulfillment into my world. Writing this Journal is a discipline that gives me great joy.
But there is a part of my brain that hasn’t quite disconnected the idea of consistent, conscious, meaningful action from the threat of punishment if I don’t get it right.
In my conversation with Andrew the other night, one of the things I talked about was releasing weight. He asked me what my goal was and I jokingly said, “Well, I’d love to be a size 6!” Quickly followed by a scoffing, “Not that my body was made to be a size 6.”
Andrew quickly called me on it. I realized that I have a concept that in order to play in the company that I want to play in – the Gabrielle Bernsteins, the Marie Forleos, the Michelle Phillips, the Danielle LaPortes – I have to be a size 6…or less! Because that is the standard of beauty that I think is required to be up on that stage.
But my body IS NOT BUILT to be a size 6. Andrew asked me to project myself a few years into the future, standing on that stage as a size 6. “How would you feel?” he asked.
That’s when it hit me – if I managed to make it to a size 6, I would be spending all of my time, energy, and focus on maintaining a size 6 figure. I would be living in deprivation in order to maintain something that I chose because of someone else’s voice in my head!!!
To play on that stage, I’m getting it that the only thing that matters is that I’m completely comfortable in my own skin.
So I’m revising my goal. My new goal: taking care of my body so that it feels good to live in it…no matter what size it is! (Click to tweet)
If I feel attractive, the rest of the world will see me that way too. I often talk about Queen Latifah as a wonderful example of what it looks like to be a large woman who is not only attractive, but damn sexy too!
What a RELIEF!!!!
The other day a friend sent me this incredible video that illustrates all of this perfectly. I highly recommend taking five minutes to watch it.
(If you can’t see the video above, click here to watch it on YouTube)
Today’s miracle: Discipline is about bringing more joy into my life, not creating more discomfort. (Click to tweet)
One more thing before I go – I’m working on revamping the look of the site. I’d love to get your feedback! Do you like the new logo and colors? Please head down to the comments or send me an email to let me know what you think!