Long-time readers may remember some of my stories about drowning in debt, using money to destroy relationships, and feeling helpless when it came to the subject of money. In the past, I spent thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to figure out how to fix the things that were wrong with me. I spent years trying to fill a hole by putting in more books, more teaching, more stuff. And I felt badly about almost every money decision I made.
Then I did some intensive work I did around my money beliefs here on the Journal. It sure as heck wasn’t pretty. In fact, I created the 30-day Miracle Challenge, which I called a reader challenge, but was really an opportunity to force me to look at my own shit.
About halfway through the challenge, I wrote this:
When something good happens to me financially, I am afraid to tell anyone lest they think that my financial fortunes have changed and I am no longer broke. I’ve been embarrassed to share good turns of fortune because I was afraid that I’d squander the good fortune and be back in the same broke place again next month, only other people would assume that I was now better off. Which is really just another way of saying that I don’t feel like I deserve to be any better off and I insist on thinking of myself as broke.
None of which is true. I am NOT broke OR broken. (click to tweet) I’ve always had enough to pay my bills. I’ve always done what I needed to do and a lot of what I wanted to do. Refusing to acknowledge the good things that have come my way is arrogant and ungrateful of me.
That challenge began a massive change for me. Within nine months, I had paid off half my debt (to the tune of $15,000) and have developed a significantly healthier relationship with money. There is still debt to pay off, but I no longer consider it a yoke around my neck.
A couple of months ago, I decided to invest $500 to finally get my coaching certification. I’ve got stellar training as a coach, but had never gotten the piece of paper and I wanted that in order to feel like a valid professional. Last night, I finished that coaching certification class. In the process, I got SO MUCH MORE than the piece of paper. I re-membered that I am already a DAMN GOOD COACH!!!!
Today, I participated in a conference call with a remarkable woman named KC Baker who helps “Unleash the brilliance of women’s voices.” I knew that she’d work with a couple of people on the call, and I was determined to be one of them. And out of 500+ people on the call, I WAS! We had a great conversation in which I re-membered that I already have a lot of wisdom to share and that I’m quite good at sharing it.
It was so good, in fact, that I’ve decided to do KC’s six-week training. At $500, it is another wise investment in myself.
Today, I am making strategic decisions about ways to invest in my own magnificence. I am trying out lots of free offerings to see what resonates with me, and when I find the right fit, I’m going for it. And I’m not worried about the money.
Because what I’ve realized is that these investments aren’t about filling in something that’s missing. I already have everything that I need. Working with these teachers and getting these trainings is now about recognizing, embracing, owning, and re-membering what I already know.
And from that place, there is no bad decision to be made.
Today’s miracle: I already have everything I need within me. I’m blessed to be finding teachers and guides who can help me realize what is already right.