A couple of times I’ve written in these pages about particularly powerful and important dreams that I’ve had.
Two years ago, I wrote about a night when I woke up and couldn’t remember my name or who I was, but felt completely at one with the universe.
A couple months later, I wrote about a dream that showed me the joy of falling in love with soul mate again when I find my “person.”
And now there’s a third major dream to add to the list. Last night I had a dream that is almost certainly demonstrating some major internal shifts – and the funny thing is that without the dream, I might not even have consciously realized they were happening.
Since I was a young girl, I’ve had dreams of waking up to find someone (or something) in my room – a presence of some sort. I would open my mouth to scream, and nothing came out. Not being able to make any sound made the scary thing even scarier, which in turn made me try to scream even louder…which made it scarier…which made me…well, you get the idea. It’s a dream that has always scared the bejeezus out of me because it felt so utterly real. And not being skilled in the art of conscious dreaming, I always felt completely helpless to do anything different.
The dream has become less frequent as I’ve gotten older. There were times when I’d have it several times a week. Now it doesn’t show up that often, but it’s still pretty unnerving.
Last night, in my dream I woke up to find a shadowy figure standing across the room. There was moonlight streaming in my window, so it was very clear that there was a human-like form in silhouette.
I opened my mouth to scream, and just like always, nothing came out but a rush of empty air. I was terrified, and I drew in another breath to try to scream again.
I don’t remember the specific thought, but it was something like this – well, this screaming thing isn’t working. I wonder if there’s something else I can try. Wait, why am I screaming anyway? What if that thing over there isn’t really scary? What if I’m making it up and there isn’t anything over there at all? Maybe I don’t need to scream at all. Maybe I’m okay.
And with that, a wave of the most intense heat that I can imagine rushed through my body. The heat even made a sound as it moved – like a car makes driving by really fast. I was completely consumed by the red-hot energy that rushed through me.
The figure disappeared. And I went back to sleep.
There are about a zillion metaphors and lessons in there – the biggest being that I get to decide whether to be scared or not. The shadows that have scared me for so long are not only not so scary, they’re probably not even real. In fact, I probably made them up. And when I surrender to the experience, the shadows disappear and an entirely new level of power and strength fill me at my core.
I must admit that I’ve been a little shaky all day today. Knowing all that stuff intellectually is great, but my energetic and emotional bodies are still catching up. But even through the shakiness, I know that something BIG happened last night.
I can hardly wait to see what happens next!
Today’s miracle: When I allow myself to see beyond the shadow, I’m filled with a whole new sense of my own power.